I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
