never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
