During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
