I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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