I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
