3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
