You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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