So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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