Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Randomize
