I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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