Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
