we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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