i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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