I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She even gives head with a lisp.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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