Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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