You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
