I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
