I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I didn't notice because vodka
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
