If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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