hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Last time i carry you out of a forest
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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