How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
