Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
