And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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