Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize