hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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