Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
