I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
