Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
