If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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