brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
