so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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