My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
