at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
