I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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