No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize