Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm just crazy horny about you
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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