Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
