I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
