I wish life had little blips of pornography
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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