I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
