I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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