1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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