We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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