This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
