Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
