his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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