I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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