Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
thus making me awesome and them whores
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
