Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
