We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
