THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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