What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
