i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
