Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
NoShamevember. You game?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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