he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
