She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
