How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
