So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
