And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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