Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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