look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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