i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
