Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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