His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
