Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
