I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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