So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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