she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
