my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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