she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
