i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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