remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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