ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
