I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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