Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
