im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
