it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
