If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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