every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
