He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
