i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
