It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
