Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize